Pope Francis today announced his plan to slow the spread of the traditional Catholicism pandemic that has been rapidly spreading throughout the world.
In an Executive Order Motu Proprio somewhat ironically written exclusively in Latin, the Bishop of Rome and successor to the chair of St. Peter told the world’s bishops that they must close their churches for 15 days beginning this Sunday in order to contain the Catholicism pandemic . “We believe the incubation of traditional Catholicism is about 14 days,” Francis wrote. “As such, we hereby order with Apostolic authority the closing of churches for a period of 15 days to mitigate the spread of this virulent strain of the Faith.” The Motu Proprio further ordered the Bishops to restrict essential gatherings, including Adoration, Benediction and Monastic Prayer, to less than 10 people at a time, and to wear face coverings to limit the pandemic’s ability to spread via word of mouth. Non-essential gatherings, including Youth Groups, Prayer Circles, and Parochial School Classes are canceled for the duration of the shutdown, which the Pope promises will only last 15 days.
Speaking on CNN this afternoon, Dr. Antonio Cardinal Faucini, the Holy See’s Chief Theological Advisor and Prefect of the Congregation for Allegiance and Infectious Doctrine articulated Rome’s position. “We believe that if we keep people socially distanced and isolated for this brief period of time, that those who have been exposed to traditional Catholicism will be prevented from spreading it to others, and those who have not been exposed won’t contract it.”
Cardinal Dr. Faucini said it is not currently known where the pandemic originated from, but sources tell us that it may have come from Pope Benedict XVI’s 2007 Motu Proprio Summorum Pontificum, which allowed Bishops and Priests to celebrate the traditional Latin Mass with much more freedom. Experts believe that this action may have allowed traditional Catholicism to spread out from person to person as individuals began to congregate in the parishes that celebrated the Old Mass over the succeeding years.
On a positive note, however, the Vicar of Christ and visible head of the One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Church expressed optimism about the rollout of treatments that could combat the infection and stop the spread of the pandemic, including an ecumenical council that could alter the thought process of an individual to fight off a Catholicism infection. “Thanks to the cooperation between the hierarchy and our partners in Catholic media and the laity, we have developed an effective Council that can change the very thoughts and emotions of a Faithful to help that individual contain, control and eradicate the infection of traditional Catholicism and prevent it from spreading to others.”
The Pope encouraged members of the Church to get Vaticanated. “The Vatican is safe and effective. You can receive it for free today, at your local diocesan parish. If all the Faithful take action today, receive their II doses of the Vatican, we can end this pandemic soon and prevent another one like it from spreading in the future.”
Cardinal Dr. Faucini echoed the Pope’s sentiments. “The Experts (™) in the Magisterium are working hard to understand this pandemic and the Doctrine (™) behind it. If we pay attention to the Doctrine (™), Trust the Experts, we can contain this dangerous pandemic and put an end to traditional Catholicism once and for all,” he said.